Dear Diary:
Lately I have been posting little things on this and that. Not some of my best work. I feel a need for things to settle down into a pattern before I can be confident that I have something substantial to write.
I hope my friends and family are well, keeping busy and not worrying too much. If I thought they were worrying too much I would say something reassuring. I am not the most confident person myself, and I am not worrying now — not much.
I learned years ago that worry is not a good pattern to get into. Yet bouts of depression are normal when conditions are not normal. I have found that managed depression is part of a creative problem-solving cycle. When I have had bouts of depression in the past it was because of something, such as someone not treating me with respect.
The round begins with feeling very angry, sad or feeling self-pity. I go for a walk or lie down and take time to reflect on what happened. There might be some internal expression of anger directed toward the offender. There might be some self-hatred. “Why can’t I get things right!”
But I usually worked through some stages of emotion and arrived at a truly creative place. The emotions burned themselves out. I could then naturally find the courage to believe I could be in charge. I could take control of my situation, even find forgiveness for my offender. This is resilience! I feel strong!
You know, as I write this, I realise how lucky I was to have a Mother to guide me through these events at an early age. Mom was very understanding and insightful. She guided my thinking about why people do things. Every person has a hidden history that we will NEVER see.
The anger, hatred, jealousy, envy, and bitterness that we see in others always has some foundation, not necessarily with you or me, but with some hidden history. There is often some unresolved conflict that people carry around with them and redirect to anyone who gets in their way.
Pity those who cannot find peace of mind.
By pity, I mean compassion.
There should be little moral judgement left when you more fully understand why people act the way they do. You don’t even need to know the whole story. If you show compassion or forgiveness, you are likely to get that offender to trust you, open up, and maybe, if you listen, begin to effectively deal with the underlying issues. You may have just made a very solid friend.
I am reminded of a new entrepreneur I coached years ago. The stress of starting a business brought up emotions coming from past unresolved family matters. He got so hung up he could not proceed with business. I had to get him to talk through his anger to a better place. It took some time.
I’m sure that while some families are taking time to heal past conflicts, others are now having to face some emerging unpleasant challenges while physically tethered at the ankles. Remember compassion and forgiveness as openings. Remember the hidden past.
Hmmm ____________
Maybe we’re ALL going to have to be more patient and understanding in the days and weeks ahead.
Maybe collectively we also need to work through the cumulative angst we’ve had about the way our society has been going.
Maybe those shared dreads of climate collapse, AI taking over, the billionaire conspiracy, the constant disruptions and meaningless work, the destruction of ecosystems and species… maybe COVID 19 will shake us out of the passive aggressive mode into collective and effective intentional action.
Will COVID 19 bring us together against a truly common enemy?
Is COVID 19 a wake-up call for opportunities to collaborate?
Is COVID 19 a catalyst for transformation of humanity into a unified charge against our darkest fears?
Maybe we can crystallize our collective intent and finally move forward to redefine our place on this planet.
Can hope and collaboration go viral?
Today I reinforced one thing I learned in cognitive coaching:
“Understanding comes at the point of articulation.”
Talk may be cheap, but it can lead to a treasure!
And today, Diary, I thought I had nothing to say!
Randal Adcock 